Wrinkles gone! Can wrinkles disappear again?

My wrinkles are mine and I can do what I want with them: get rid of them! I want them to disappear. Wrinkles – get rid of them! Hm … Stop. Stop. Because that is politically and socially so incorrect that I would have to sink into the ground with shame.

What? I don’t love my wrinkles? Have I perhaps never heard that true beauty comes from within? That every wrinkle tells an exciting story about my life? That I should accept myself as I am? That I shouldn’t give a damn about all ideals of beauty, that I should even find them completely terrible? In summary, this then means: I should clap my hands with joy every morning and jump around excitedly on the bath mat when I see myself in the mirror. Because then I see how I am getting older/old. Whoopee! I, on the other hand, wish: Wrinkles away with it….

As if. I can’t either. I’m a morning person, so it’s too much to ask me to show that exuberance in the morning. Other than that, I have no reason to. Getting old/older is only great for young women who still have this supposedly wonderful “maturing process” ahead of them. Or those who are permanent guests at the Beauty Doc, but of course all drink only “3 liters of water a day”. Babble, babble, rhubarb, rhubarb.

Can’t they come up with something different? I suggest: 2 Vienna sausages at 7 in the morning. Alternatively (for vegetarians): Reanimate a crochet weasel, crochet diligently and drape 3 meters of crochet braid around her head at night. If you didn’t pay attention in needlework class, you’re just out of luck.

Beauty does not come from within. I looked – there’s nothing on the inside of me. And none of my wrinkles should tell a story. If I do, I’ll tell it myself. There are lots of experiences that are nobody’s business. Like that time with Dieter and the champagne and the joint. That’s one of the stories I’m talking about. It’s my (and Dieter’s) business. Just like the story on the beach of the Côte d’Azur and the many shooting stars in the sky – a long time ago. And I do NOT want the little wrinkle at the bottom right of my left eye to tell anything about it! So: wrinkles away!

Yes, I want to look younger!

So we are supposed to accept ourselves. Well, if humans always accepted themselves as they are, we wouldn’t have a diesel scandal (but we wouldn’t have fuel-efficient diesel either), Louboutins, and hyaluronic acid. Why can’t I cream and massage myself and pat serum into my wrinkles? I’m not ashamed of wanting the wrinkles to go away, of using volumizing shampoo, of craving a complexion with a glamorous glow, of making my tired skin look rosy and fresh with scrubs, brushes, cleansing foam and tonic. Which doesn’t always work, but I don’t give up.

I trust in the secrets of the beauty industry, I am happy about every new active ingredient – no matter how effective it really is now. I stand greedily in front of the shelves in the perfumery and can’t decide which little pot, which beauty tool should go home with me. The decision is: as many as possible.

Wrinkles gone thanks to beauty industry?

Yes, I want to look younger. And I don’t want people to say behind my back, “She sure has a lot of wrinkles …” Because I guarantee they won’t say devoutly, “Oh, Conny Eyssen has experienced so much. She’s had an interesting life.” – “How do you know?” – “Just look at her wrinkles! For example, that little wrinkle down there on the right, next to her left eye. She got that after that incredible night on the Côte d’Azur.”

My favorites:

Anti-aging was invented for women like me. Thank you, dear beauty god!!! My favorites in my never-ending quest to conjure away wrinkles, to look as good as possible for as long as possible, I reveal today for once:

Eyelash extensions are not for me. Cost a lot and after a short time all the splendor has fallen off again. My thing are the “Eyelash Boosters” from medipharma cosmetics. (4ml approx. 23 euros)

The classic (rightly so) and all-rounder for face, body and hair: the “Huile Prodigieuse” by Nuxe. (100ml approx. 25 Euro)

“You can’t repair a heart” sings Udo Lindenberg. But a tired and somewhat outdated complexion. With the “Repair cellular Gel-Cream” from Doctor Babor. (50ml approx. 80 euros)

Without the “EGF Eye Serum” from BioEffect I can practically no longer live. Almost … By the way, behind the abbreviation EGF hides a skin-own growth factor, which is obtained in a complicated process from barley plants. It helps against dark circles (the night was too short) and wrinkles. Good! (6ml approx. 80 euros)

Hair! I want voluminous hair! But I don’t have any … Never mind, I have the “Russian Amber Imperial Shampoo” from Philip B. I just say: man , is that good, man. Not exactly cheap, but a very small blob of shampoo is enough. (355ml about 120 euros)

Text: Conny Eyssen
Photo: iStock.com/Butsaya and Conny Eyssen