The best tips for beauty junkies

There are therapies for every kind of junkies, even sex addicts. Hollywood celebrities prefer “The Meadows”, an addiction clinic in the Arizona desert. I’m thinking of asking them if they also offer therapy for beauty junkies. It would really help me save money and get my cosmetics cabinet in order.

Plus, it wouldn’t add to my already stressed out nervous system. It drives me crazy when I enter a perfumery or the beauty department of a department store and the saleswomen A) ignore me because A1) they are NOT allowed to approach the customers on their own because the management has ordered it that way, or A2) they don’t give a damn whether a customer comes or not. It drives many beauty junkies like me just as crazy when I B) enter the beauty temples and immediately a saleswoman pounces on me and asks, “Can I help you?”

Which, in salesgirl-speak – which I’ve deciphered through years of on-the-spot research – means, “I’m on the sales and I really need those new studded Balenciaga booties, so buy something.” Or even, “Thank you, God of all saleswomen, for sending a customer. I’ve been standing here all morning with my feet in my stomach …”

What sucks beauty junkies

She says, “The cream just came in!” You can assume that the line was already launched last year.

She says, “I have the PERFECT cream for you here!” Don’t grab it! That means: “Now it is enough for me. Now I have already shown you 5 creams. Make up your mind already.”

She says, “I’ll be happy to give you a sample.” Translation: “There are other customers waiting for me. If you can’t decide – then don’t.”

She says, “Did you know that Julia Roberts (or Duchess Kate or Meghan) also uses this cream? It really is an insider’s tip …” The truth: “If you want to look like a celebrity, you already have to buy the most expensive cream.”

Or she says, “I use this cream myself. With all the others, I always had problems with my skin …” Means: “Whether you get pimples or dry skin, I don’t really care.”

Now, should I call “The Meadows” and ask for therapy for beauty junkies or not …? Maybe I don’t need to, because not all saleswomen think and talk like that. There are indeed very, very many laudable exceptions!

Text: Conny Eyssen

Photo: Anastasia Ostapavych